This Thanksgiving when your family sits down to the festive holiday dinner table I can’t think of a better way to celebrate the holiday that—— “isn’t”——than by using the video capability on a MemoryTag greeting card to tell your loved ones or those whose love is contemptuous twisted love—how much you really appreciate them.
First, what do I mean by the holiday that isn’t?
Thanksgiving is a holiday, but it’s less of a holiday than it was. Christmas has come to dominate Thanksgiving we see Christmas advertisements on the television even before Thanksgiving happens.
It’s just good-old fashioned American greed. Christmas is the big time of the year for retailers to sell overpriced stuff made by slaves in China to you the consumer.
I mean how can the purchase of a turkey at the market compete with an electronic toy made by a Chinese political prisoner at a labor punishment camp somewhere in Mongolia for $2 and then sold to you for Christmas for $99.99?
We’ve got to fuel the pump of the economy so we can squander billions on government programs and national defense producing doomsday weapons.
It all makes sense to me.
Thanksgiving is about the Pilgrims arriving in the New World at Plymouth Rock and eating turkey with the Indians. The Pilgrims didn’t land at Plymouth Rock that was a story started by an old guy who was off his meds and they didn’t eat turkey there is no proof. They probably ate some stringy deer meat that was rancid and four of them staggered off to die in the brush from food poisoning.
This was back when things were rotten. There were no showers. You had to stink. To lessen the stink of yourself you would go and sniff the contents of an open festering sewer. This would lessen the stink from your own body. Or you could if you were willing to bathe in sea water or lice-ridden typhoid-infected pond scum that was 37 degrees cold.
People ate tree bark to escape starving to death for at least another week, and if you had an aching tooth there was no dentist. You tied a string to the aching tooth and to a tree and then ran away from the tree as fast as you could to pull the tooth.
We celebrate this each year with the purchase of a steroid-fed turkey that has been genetically engineered to resemble the same DNA components as the substance Formica.
Thanksgiving is today a family event, but the original didn’t give a sh’t about family it was held because the Pilgrims were scared sh’tless by the Indians and so they tried to bribe a few Indians with perhaps a few rotten apples and a cooked squirrel, so the Indians might not suspect the Pilgrims would be followed by other Europeans who would wipe out the Indians through conquest and the spread of disease.
Had the Indians known they would have wiped the Pilgrims out.
If that had been the case we would all be today Native Americans and Trump would be called Chief Fire on the Head.
Anyway, Thanksgiving is all about family, and sitting down to the dinner table smiling at alleged loved ones and if your family is like many other families around, some of its members secretly despise you. Give them all a MemoryTag card in which you use your smartphone to record a video message and then using the patented app place it on the card.
Tell them how much you appreciate them——-in spite of everything.
“Dear Mother,” you could say for instance, “remember when you looked at my waistline and sadistically said, “I’ve never seen you look like that” (with a look of disgust intimating that I was fat), or when you called me a “Monkey” in front of the neighbors, or when you told me to shut up last Thanksgiving because I was telling a joke to other family members and it was competing with your grand entrance with the desert pie, but you tried to disguise it as a joke by saying to me, “Are you through?” (Telling the joke)?
Remember when I obediently shut up and obeyed?
Remember when you said if I didn’t like the abuse dealt out to me I could leave and go home? I answered silently— No I love abuse.
“You’re still my mother. Happy Thanksgiving.”
Or to the family bore who has a boring job counting carrots at a supermarket and delusions of grandeur and wants to be a super hero like Arnold Swarzennnnneegggerneger, and bores everyone with macho stories about his male fantasies.
Tell him, “Did you know that because you’re always bragging about something, your muscles for example, when I look at you across the dinner table, I imagine you in a bra and panties? Best wishes to you.”
Or to your new Grandpa Fred who married your grandmother when she was 79 because he wants to get in her will and gain possession and title to her house when she kicks off. He’s a dirty old man who tries to take advantage of old ladies and was unsuccessful with five other old ladies who caught on to him and left him out of their wills.
“Hey nobody’s perfect,” you could tell him in a card.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!
MemoryTag is the card company for cards that can say just about anything.